When I grow up

What I would like to be, when I grow up? I remember asking myself this when I was 5. I was looking at some of my primary school work a few months ago and I came across a piece of work that dealt with ambitions. It said 'when I grow up I want to be a financial advisor'. I don't know why I didn't laugh. It was unnerving. It made me wonder where I got such an idea from? What influenced me to think that? I wonder how much of an affect such influences have had on my life. Probably not too much because for me personally, being a financial advisor is about a million miles away from what I want to do now. But whether that was a real suggestion from an adult, something I saw on television, or something else, I don't know. I know as much about being a financial advisor now as when I was in primary school. 20 years later, I am still asking myself the question 'what do I want to be when I grow up'. The difference now is that I am grown up. There is another difference - I do have a desire for a profession now- but it has only recently taken a strong hold in me. This desire is to be a stand up comic. This urge has been building up for a while, probably since I was in my second year of university in 2006, but its only in the last 2 or three weeks that I have really thought to myself that it is possible to make a living this way.

I have been noting down funny things that happen for a while, maybe a year. I attended comedy improv workshops a year and a half ago in Toronto. Its very different to stand up, but it has a similar vibe about it. The whole standing in front of people and trying to make them laugh is great. Though with improv, its not just about laughs; people do whole improvised structured shows. This requires incredible skill to do well. Whereas stand up comedy is usually meticulously prepared. Although a lot of skill is involved in stand up performance, its something that is prepared thoroughly, rewritten and learnt off by heart. This makes it easier for the comedian to get a laugh out of the crowd much more often than someone doing an improvised piece.

There is a spectrum, from going up on stage knowing everything, to knowing nothing that you will say. At the rehearsed end, you can work on subtle nuances and gestures, at the other end, you have to let things come out naturally, as you cant concentrate on movement, expressions, emotions, words and structure at the same instant. But good improvisers still do get things to come out beautifully, naturally almost as if it must have been rehearsed. The difference between the comic and the improviser can be seen as a parallel to the way people live their lives. Some will spend a lot of time rehearsing things while others will learn to live on the fly. Both can produce great results. A designer needs to keep refining a product, whereas someone with a business head is looking to continually make deals. The business person may always be refining their technique, but it is always with a goal to move on to something new. The best comics are the ones who can balance the rehearsed with the improvised riffs. This is the ultimate; preparedness and flexibility, which makes the best practitioners in any profession.

This is what I want to be, and it is a stronger desire than the one that took me to university to study environmental issues. So, the only way for me not to feel regret when I'm 70 is to give it my best shot for at least two years. Though speaking to one girl, she said it has taken her three years to turn it in to a profession. I'm sure I can do it too.

I hope to post the steps I have taken and the problems I face along the way, so that if I ever when (lets think positive) I achieve my goal there will be a trail of all the actions and thoughts that got me there.

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